Tuesday, June 23, 2015

DISCOVERING OLD AGE



   Bette Davis said “Old age is not for sissies.”

   Every day something else happens to let me know how true that is. We did our first summer concert on Sunday, (Sundays at 5, UU Meeting House) and I was faced with the prospect of putting on makeup. In my far away youth, I NEVER went ANYWHERE without full makeup, up to and including false eyelashes. I wore two, sometimes three pairs at once. Don’t forget, it was the late 60’s and Twiggy was the top model. If you don’t know who Twiggy is, look her up. She was really something and we all wanted to look like her. More than once I fell asleep with my lashes on and woke up with my eyes glued shut. Lovely. I don’t wear false lashes anymore, or even much makeup at all, but lately I’ve noticed that when I do, it’s much more difficult to apply. Why, you ask? Let’s start with foundation. First I’d like to say that if I see one more commercial for “age-defying” makeup where the woman demonstrating it is obviously in her mid-twenties, I think I’ll scream. What that says to me is, “Too bad you didn’t take care of your skin when you were my age. Maybe this stuff would do you some good.” Thanks. I really needed to feel better about myself.
   There’s a lot to choosing a foundation. What color is right, now that I have light gray hair? My old shade looks like mud on my face. Too light and I look like Joan Crawford in “Mommie Dearest”. And the stuff manages to find its way into EVERY wrinkle and line, outlining brilliantly what it’s supposed to cover up. ‘Age-defying’? More like “age-defining,” if you ask me. Fabulous. Years of smoking and sun abuse highlighted for all to see. And let’s talk about seeing. How in the heck do you apply eye makeup when you can’t see without your glasses??? “Get a magnifying mirror,” my buddy suggests, so I do, and now my already enlarged pores look like manholes in the New York streets. I can’t bear to look. I think I’ll just throw on a bit of lip gloss and call it a day. That’s what I call growing old gracefully.

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