WHO SPITS?

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    So, I’ve been watching a lot of baseball this summer, and I just want to know one thing:

   WHAT’S WITH ALL THE SPITTING???

   I don’t get it. It’s everywhere, in the dugout, in the outfield, behind home plate! They’re all spewing chocolate streams of juice, (I know it’s not really chocolate.) decorating the floor and walls of the dugout or killing off patches of grass in right field. The other night I found myself wishing Fenway Park would bring back spittoons. The health nuts on the team have taken the American Cancer Society’s advice and substituted sunflower seeds. While this is certainly better for their health, it’s no less disgusting to watch, particularly since the seed-eaters don’t actually spit. Instead, they push the seed hulls out of their mouths and let them dribble down the fronts of their uniforms. Pretty. Very pretty. Perhaps if one eats enough sunflower seeds, one reverts back to high-chair manners.

    This odd behavior doesn’t seem to extend to other sports. Tennis players don’t spit. They do occasionally vomit, (Sorry, Pete Sampras), but no spitting that I’ve ever seen. Basketball, soccer and hockey are so fast spitting might go unnoticed, so who knows? Imagine if figure skaters spat. Not only would it make a mess, it might even melt the ice. Equestrians don’t spit, though their horses not only spit, but often drool when the race is over, but that’s the only time I’ve seen it, outside of baseball. I suppose the odd football player spits now and then, but with all that equipment on their heads, well, how….? Ewww!

   Spitting was considered proper male behavior back in the days of spittoons, although I don’t believe they did it in front of “the ladies”, as opposed to today, when they do it on national television. Hurray for progress. Speaking of “the ladies”,  here’s my final observation on this damp subject: I’ve NEVER seen a woman athlete spit, in any sport. Just saying.